- A Helpful Map of Somali Piracy
-
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somalipirate- May 14th, 11:34
Whilst browsing the web, I found this handy map of our recent exploits. I was personally involved in about a third of these attacks.
(Leave a comment)
(Leave a comment)
Dear Somali Pi-rates,
I love maps! And such!
Tell me, are all pi-rates homosexual? I have heard such. I think I read it somewhere important. Now I will take my answer off of the air, because I don't like to spend much time in the web, because Satan is there a lot. Why do you think they call it a web?
Also, please don't kidnap me and hold me for randsome. Don't even think of doing it for the publicity, and because Mr. Donald Trump, my benefacker, has a LOT of money. A lotta LOT of money.
SIncerely yours, and I pray that you will change your ways and not even consider kidnapping me for publicity and money,
Miss California (STILL! YES! In your FACE Shanna! I'm not paying you back for these, either!)
I love maps! And such!
Tell me, are all pi-rates homosexual? I have heard such. I think I read it somewhere important. Now I will take my answer off of the air, because I don't like to spend much time in the web, because Satan is there a lot. Why do you think they call it a web?
Also, please don't kidnap me and hold me for randsome. Don't even think of doing it for the publicity, and because Mr. Donald Trump, my benefacker, has a LOT of money. A lotta LOT of money.
SIncerely yours, and I pray that you will change your ways and not even consider kidnapping me for publicity and money,
Miss California (STILL! YES! In your FACE Shanna! I'm not paying you back for these, either!)
Everyone, I've confirmed this is not really carrie prejean, Miss California 2009.
This person is a big fake. Please treat this loser with the appropriate level of scorn.
-The Somali Pirates
This person is a big fake. Please treat this loser with the appropriate level of scorn.
-The Somali Pirates
Dear Pirates-
I was wondering- what's the entry level qualification these days into piracy?
Yours,
Curious Potential Pirate!
(Pi-Curious?)
I was wondering- what's the entry level qualification these days into piracy?
Yours,
Curious Potential Pirate!
(Pi-Curious?)
Dear Potential Pirate,
In our experience, everyone is a little pi-curious at some point in their lives. Maybe they want to steal a candy bar. Or maybe they want to hold up a liquor store. Or maybe they have taken up carjacking. Maybe you just like leering at people when they open their wallets. It happens to everyone.
As an American, you can join in the fun of pirating by sending us a bio, including some information about how wealthy your family and friends are. We'll also need their contact information, and some indication of how badly they'd want you back. Then come to Somalia and ask around for us.
That's all there is to it!
Thanks for your question.
-Somali Pirates
In our experience, everyone is a little pi-curious at some point in their lives. Maybe they want to steal a candy bar. Or maybe they want to hold up a liquor store. Or maybe they have taken up carjacking. Maybe you just like leering at people when they open their wallets. It happens to everyone.
As an American, you can join in the fun of pirating by sending us a bio, including some information about how wealthy your family and friends are. We'll also need their contact information, and some indication of how badly they'd want you back. Then come to Somalia and ask around for us.
That's all there is to it!
Thanks for your question.
-Somali Pirates
Dear Somali Pi-rates,
FIRSt, I MUST REQUEST THAT YOU KEEP THE STRICTEST CONFIDENCE IN THIS MATTER. IT IS ESSENTIAL THAT YOU CONSIDER IT A SECRET AND UNIQUE CONVERSATION EXCLUSIVELY FOR YOU FROM WHICH YOU MAY BENEFIT GREATLY FOR THE BENEFIT OF YOU AND ALL OF YOUR PIRATE MEMBERS.
I AM AN OFFICER OF A CHAPTER OF THE BENEVOLENT AND PROTECTIVE ORDER OF ELKS, IN LAKE HURON, OF WISCONSIN, WHERE I AM THE ESTEEMED LOYAL KNIGHT. YOU WILL NOT FIND ME IN YOUR GOOGLE OR YOUR PHONEBOOKS, AS MY POST IS A HIGHLY IMPORTANT SELECTED ORDER SIMILAR TO ROYALTY OR APPOINTED AMBASSADORS. LAKE HURON IS IN WAUSHARA COUNTY IN CENTRAL WISCONSIN. IT IS A BEAUTIFUL FERTLE LAND THAT IS FAR ENOUGH TO HAVE THAT 'UP NORTH" FEEL AND CLOSE ENOUGH TO NOT HAVE TO DRIVE FOREVER.
WE REQUIRE YOU IMMEDIATE ASSISTANCE AS INTERNATIONAL MERCHANTS OF THE SEAS AND MEN AND WOMEN WHO HAVE THE MEANS TO HELP US IN OUR HOUR OF NEEDING HIGHLY PROFITABLE AND CONFIDENTIAL ASSISTANCE.
WE HAD A LODGE PICNIC UP TO WAUPACA FOR WHICH WE RAISED MANY FUNDS FOR OUR MEMBERS AND OUR COMMUNITY. UNFORTUNATELY THE LOCAL RESTAURANTS AND BEER CARTELS CREATED A MONOPOLY IN WHICH THEY SEVERELY INFLATED THEIR CHARGES, SO WE WERE FORCED AS RIGHTEOUS MEN AND WOMEN TO PLACE OUR PICNIC REFRESHMENT FUND OF MORE THAN EIGHT HUNDRED THOUSAND AMERICAN DOLLARS IN ESCROW UNTIL A HIGH-LEVEL REVIEW PANEL COULD REVIEW THESE CONTRACTS AND OBLIGATIONS FROM A HIGH LEVEL.
WE NEED TO SECURE THESE FUNDS SO THAT THE REVIEW PANEL CAN DO THEIR HIGHLY IMPORTANT WORK FOR THE PEOPLE OF MY LODGE AND IN ORDER TO DO THIS, WE REQUIRE YOUR EXTRAORDINARY ASSISTANCE BY ALLOWING US TO TRANSFER THESE FUNDS OF MORE THAN EIGHT HUNDRED THOUSAND AMERICAN DOLLARS INTO YOUR ACCOUNTS AND/OR TREASURE CHESTS IN UNCHARTED WATERS.
SINCE THIS IS AN EXTRAORDINARY REQUEST FOR YOU THAT HAS NO RISK FOR YOU, BUT WOULD BE A GREAT ASSISTANCE TO US, WE ARE PREPARED TO HAPPILY ALLOW YOU TO KEEP A SUM OF NO LESS THAN 65% OF THE TOTAL AMOUNT THAT YOU WOULD INVOICE THEN AS 'GROUND BEEF AND PARTY STREAMER SERVICES" TO OUR HIGH-LEVEL REVIEW PANEL. ALL THAT IS REQUIRED TO COMPLETE THIS EXTRAORDINARY SERVICE IS THAT YOU WOULD IMMEDIATELY ADVANCE TO US YOUR ACCOUNT NUMBER IN WHICH YOU WOULD LIKE TO DEPOSIT ON YOUR HONOR THE VERY GENEROUS AMOUNT IN YOUR ACCOUNT.
THEN, A SMALL TRANSACTION FEE OF SEVEN HUNDRED AMERICAN DOLLARS, TO COVER IMPORT FEES AND TAXATION OF THE WIRE TRANSFER THAT WE WOULD IMMEDIATELY FORWARD TO YOU WOULD BE IMMEDIATELY REQUIRED SO THAT YOU CAN IMMEDIATELY HAVE ACCESS TO THE MORE THAN EIGHT HUNDRED THOUSAND AMERICAN DOLLARS.
PLEASE FAX US YOUR ACCOUNT NUMBERS, HONORABLE PI-RATE FRIENDS SO THAT WE CAN BEGIN THIS EXCELLENT BENEFICIAL IMPORTANT OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU.
ANXIOUSLY AWAITING YOUR TOP SECRET ASSISTANCE-
LIEUT. LUCILLE MCGILLICUDDY CARTER,
ESTEEMED LOYAL KNIGHT OF THE LAKE HURON AREA OF THE BENEVOLENT AND PROTECTIVE ORDER OF ELKS
FIRSt, I MUST REQUEST THAT YOU KEEP THE STRICTEST CONFIDENCE IN THIS MATTER. IT IS ESSENTIAL THAT YOU CONSIDER IT A SECRET AND UNIQUE CONVERSATION EXCLUSIVELY FOR YOU FROM WHICH YOU MAY BENEFIT GREATLY FOR THE BENEFIT OF YOU AND ALL OF YOUR PIRATE MEMBERS.
I AM AN OFFICER OF A CHAPTER OF THE BENEVOLENT AND PROTECTIVE ORDER OF ELKS, IN LAKE HURON, OF WISCONSIN, WHERE I AM THE ESTEEMED LOYAL KNIGHT. YOU WILL NOT FIND ME IN YOUR GOOGLE OR YOUR PHONEBOOKS, AS MY POST IS A HIGHLY IMPORTANT SELECTED ORDER SIMILAR TO ROYALTY OR APPOINTED AMBASSADORS. LAKE HURON IS IN WAUSHARA COUNTY IN CENTRAL WISCONSIN. IT IS A BEAUTIFUL FERTLE LAND THAT IS FAR ENOUGH TO HAVE THAT 'UP NORTH" FEEL AND CLOSE ENOUGH TO NOT HAVE TO DRIVE FOREVER.
WE REQUIRE YOU IMMEDIATE ASSISTANCE AS INTERNATIONAL MERCHANTS OF THE SEAS AND MEN AND WOMEN WHO HAVE THE MEANS TO HELP US IN OUR HOUR OF NEEDING HIGHLY PROFITABLE AND CONFIDENTIAL ASSISTANCE.
WE HAD A LODGE PICNIC UP TO WAUPACA FOR WHICH WE RAISED MANY FUNDS FOR OUR MEMBERS AND OUR COMMUNITY. UNFORTUNATELY THE LOCAL RESTAURANTS AND BEER CARTELS CREATED A MONOPOLY IN WHICH THEY SEVERELY INFLATED THEIR CHARGES, SO WE WERE FORCED AS RIGHTEOUS MEN AND WOMEN TO PLACE OUR PICNIC REFRESHMENT FUND OF MORE THAN EIGHT HUNDRED THOUSAND AMERICAN DOLLARS IN ESCROW UNTIL A HIGH-LEVEL REVIEW PANEL COULD REVIEW THESE CONTRACTS AND OBLIGATIONS FROM A HIGH LEVEL.
WE NEED TO SECURE THESE FUNDS SO THAT THE REVIEW PANEL CAN DO THEIR HIGHLY IMPORTANT WORK FOR THE PEOPLE OF MY LODGE AND IN ORDER TO DO THIS, WE REQUIRE YOUR EXTRAORDINARY ASSISTANCE BY ALLOWING US TO TRANSFER THESE FUNDS OF MORE THAN EIGHT HUNDRED THOUSAND AMERICAN DOLLARS INTO YOUR ACCOUNTS AND/OR TREASURE CHESTS IN UNCHARTED WATERS.
SINCE THIS IS AN EXTRAORDINARY REQUEST FOR YOU THAT HAS NO RISK FOR YOU, BUT WOULD BE A GREAT ASSISTANCE TO US, WE ARE PREPARED TO HAPPILY ALLOW YOU TO KEEP A SUM OF NO LESS THAN 65% OF THE TOTAL AMOUNT THAT YOU WOULD INVOICE THEN AS 'GROUND BEEF AND PARTY STREAMER SERVICES" TO OUR HIGH-LEVEL REVIEW PANEL. ALL THAT IS REQUIRED TO COMPLETE THIS EXTRAORDINARY SERVICE IS THAT YOU WOULD IMMEDIATELY ADVANCE TO US YOUR ACCOUNT NUMBER IN WHICH YOU WOULD LIKE TO DEPOSIT ON YOUR HONOR THE VERY GENEROUS AMOUNT IN YOUR ACCOUNT.
THEN, A SMALL TRANSACTION FEE OF SEVEN HUNDRED AMERICAN DOLLARS, TO COVER IMPORT FEES AND TAXATION OF THE WIRE TRANSFER THAT WE WOULD IMMEDIATELY FORWARD TO YOU WOULD BE IMMEDIATELY REQUIRED SO THAT YOU CAN IMMEDIATELY HAVE ACCESS TO THE MORE THAN EIGHT HUNDRED THOUSAND AMERICAN DOLLARS.
PLEASE FAX US YOUR ACCOUNT NUMBERS, HONORABLE PI-RATE FRIENDS SO THAT WE CAN BEGIN THIS EXCELLENT BENEFICIAL IMPORTANT OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU.
ANXIOUSLY AWAITING YOUR TOP SECRET ASSISTANCE-
LIEUT. LUCILLE MCGILLICUDDY CARTER,
ESTEEMED LOYAL KNIGHT OF THE LAKE HURON AREA OF THE BENEVOLENT AND PROTECTIVE ORDER OF ELKS
A high price to pay for a waffle.
You
Somali pi-rats don't play baseball, do you? You're batting average
wouldn't get you out of a Little League second string. And if you play
footie, it looks like the freighter's goal keeper is doing a darned
good job. Have you considered a job like, say, busing tables at a
Waffle House?
2009-05-14 05:05 pm (UTC)