Below is an e-mail sent to me by an African brother and sister who wanted my banking details so they could deposit $21 million in my account. I wrote back to them pretending to be a middle-aged clueless redneck. Their e-mails have the tan backgrounds, my replies have the blue backgrounds.
FROM:PAUL FRED AND STELLA
TEL: 00 2250 7800 056
please I am Mr PAUL FRED, the only son of late Chief JOSEPH FRED from Sierra Leone.I got your contact from the Ecowas Infomation Center in Côte d'Ivoire. My sources of your contact gave me the courage and confidence to rely on you. I am writing you in absolute confidence primarily to seek your assistance to transfer our cash of Twenty one million eight hundred dollars ($21,800,000) now in the custody of a Bank here in Abidjan to your private account pending ourarrival to your country.Source of the money my late father, Chief Josphe Fred, a native of mende district in the Northern province of Sierra Leone,was the General Manager of Sierra Leone mining co-operation (S.L.M.C.) Freetown. According to my father this money was the income accrued from mining co-operation's over draft and minor sales,Before the peak of the civil War between the rebels forces of major Paul Koroma and the combined forces of ECOMOG peace keeping operation that almost destroyed my country,following the forceful removal from power of the Civilian Elected President Ahmed Tejan Kabbah by the rebels.My father had already made arrangement for his family, my mother, my little sister and myselfto be evacuated to Abidjan, Cote d'Ivoire with our personal effects and the box containing team. My father deposited the fund for the safe custody until after the war when he will join us. During the war in my country, and following the indiscriminate looting of public and Government properties by the rebel forces, the sierra Leone mining coop. Was one of the targets looted and destroyed.My father including other top Government functionaries were attacked and killed by the rebels in November 1999 because of his relationship with the civilian Government of Ahmed Tejan Kabbah. As a result of my father death, and with the news of my uncles involvement in Air crash in January, dashed our hope of survival.The untimely deaths caused my mothers heart failure and other related complications of which she later died in the Hospital after we must have spent a lot of money on her. Now my 16-year-old sister and myself are alone in this strange country suffering without any care or help. without any relation, we are now like refugees and orphans.Our only hope now is in fund our father deposited in the Bank to this effect, I humbly solicit your assistance in the followings ways,to assist me claim this fund from the Bank as co-beneficiary to transfer this money in your name to your country. to make a good arrangement for a joint business investment on our behalf in your country and you,the caretaker,to secure a college for my little sister and my self in your country to further our education.and to make arrangement for our travel with you to your country after you have transferred this fund. Most importantly,the whole documents issued after deposit in my custody for your assistance, I beg to concede 15% of this money to you for your efforts assistance.
PAUL FRED AND SISTER.
I don't know why they would have my name on file in some government office, but I sure am glad they did! Jeepers, this sounds like quite an opportunity. What more do I need to know in order to help you and your sister out?
We thank you for your mail and also for aceipting to assist us.
Sir,The money inquestion is right now in the bank here in Abidjan Cote d'Ivoire were our late father deposited it before he died,may his soul rest in perfect pace,We contacted you to help us by provieding your bank account were the transferred to as we have been to this bank to collect some money for our feeding and our accomdiction and the refused to give us any money from the account,The bank director in charge of foriegn transfer in the bank told us that we cann't beable to withdraw from the money unless the money is been transferred into a foriegn account and he also told us that,that was an agreement between the bank and our late father during the day of deposite.
Sir,that is the reason why we contacted you for an assistance by provieding your bank account were the money will be transferred into and also to help us to come over to your country as soon as our money is been transferred into your account in your country,As we live and stay with you as God wishes and also my younger sister will contune her education there in your country and you will also help us in locating a good investment were the money will be invested .
Sir,Please we hounble advise you to forward to us your banking details for onward sumbit to the bank for immediate transferring of the our money into your account.
We will be waiting to hear from you as soon as you receive this letter from us.
Thanks and may the almight God bless you as you assist us.
Yours Paul and Stella.
Dear Paul and Stella,
I have to say it is downright lowly for your bank to not give you your papa's money. My wife Charlene and I are amazed with all you've been through. First war, then looting, and then so many members of your family all dying right around the same time. Why, your sister must be right discombobulated. And then, your bank turns around and does this. At times like these I find it comforting to turn to jesus, god bless his name. Are you christians child, or do you worship them pagan negro gods? I wouldn't blame ya if ya did, everything is so backwards over there. Don't worry though. When you come here and move in with my wife and I, we'll be going to church every sunday. Gimme that old tyme religon indeed!
Charlene, my wife, reckons it would be nice to have a picture of you and your sister. We sponsored a poor asian child in china somehwere back in the early 90s and had a picture of her on our wall. We did all we could for her, but she still grew up without god in her life and became a trollup. She died of syphillis two years ago. In any case, the hook is still on the wall, so we'd love to put up a photo of you, our new third world family! Would it be possible to e-mail us one that we can print?
What kind of banking details do you need? There's a Bank of America in the next town over. Charlene has her shopping money in that, and we have some CDs there. Then there's a Wells Fargo down the road over by Genota's bakery. That's where we got our nest egg. Quite a nice one at that I might add. Charlene's uncle co-owned a chicken plant and got bought out by his business partners right before he died. He didn't have kids of his own so Charlene inherited the whole ball of wax. Whenever I'm over there at the Wells Fargo, I like to pop in next door to Genota's and say hi to Mickey behind the counter. He's a mighty fine fella and knows everything that's going on in town. Why just yesterday he tells me that Sara Milston has been having an affair with Roy Halitak. You could have slapped me with a flounder, I was flabbergasted.
Anyway god bless you and your sister, and keep us posted on what more we need to do to help. And don't forget to send a picture (Charlene is nagging me about it again!)
Compliment of the day and also we are in receipt of your mail and the content well understood.
We also extend our greetings to your wife and we are happy to hear that you are married.
Sir,The bank only requested for a foriegn beneficiary banking account informations were the money will be transferred into.
Dear Uucle,We suggest you contact the bank by your self to know more about the information which they may need for the transfer of our money into your account.
Sir,Blow attachment is our photograhy which you reqested.
We hope you have children like us? Please,Uncle we honmble reqest for your urgent assistance on this transfer because our present condition here is so bad of which we wouldn't like to contune to say here,We hope to be with you and your family soonest,As soon as our money is been transfer into your account which you will provied for us.In your mail you made mention of if you are christain or not,Not withstanding Yes uncle we are christains,I and my sister were broght up from a christain family and we are staying here by the grace of God.
We wait ansurely to hear from you.
Thanks and remain bless with you family. Yours faithfully, Paul and Stella.
N.B Sir,Kindly be reaching us true this yahoo e-mail address from now go on.
Dear Paul and Stella,
Thank you for writing back in such a timely fashion! It breaks our hearts that your conditions are so terrible. I hope we can get you over here as soon as possible. To answer your question, Charlene and I never had children. We tried for a few years, but it turned out she had developed a rare condition wherein she is allergic to my seed. After that, she became frigid, and has been so for over 27 years now.
But those dark days will soon be behind us. Soon we will be one big family! I can't wait for this transaction to go through and our dreams of rearing young ones to come true. Which account do you think we should use for the money? The Bank of America account is used mainly for Charlene's daily expenses. We've only got a couple hundred bucks in there cause we like to keep it seperate from our long term savings. The Wells Fargo account is where our nest egg is. One day we are gonna buy ourselves a ranch in the country. I reckon with our share of your pappy's fortune, we can get an awfully nice homestead!
I asked Charlene, my wife, about how to deposit money into our bank accounts. She says she just goes down and gives the check to the teller and they puts the money in our account. She says she always has to sign the back of the check. Do you need her to sign something, is that all?
We love the picture that you sent. My wife said she has never seen a finer looking pair of negroes in all her days. She has already hung it up, and we can't wait for you to come live with us. Charlene has a picture of us here on our computer. we can send it to you if you want. That way if you find a way to print it you can hang it up.
Dear Fielding Melish,
Sir,We are in receipt of your mail and the contents well understood by us.
There is some thing that we don't understand in your last mail to us,The thing this (The Wells Fargo account is where our nest egg is) And also (One day we are gonna buy ourselves a ranch in the country) Please Sir,KIndly explain more about what you real mean about all things for us to understand you very well.
Uncle we pray that Almight God will give you and wife fruth of womb.
Yes uncle we will like to receive and have a look on you and your wife photogarhy to know whom you and your is.
Base on the account,We don't know the particular account the bank might need in transfferring of our into your account so we suggest you contact the bank and asked from then the tipy of account they may need for transfer,As we have already introduce you name to bank last week as the rightfull beneficiary of 21.8m deposited by Chief Joseph Fred from serri-lone.
This the address of the bank were our late father deposited the money blow.
The name of the bank is bank of Africa, Address: AV JOSEPH ANOMA 01 BP 4132 ABIDJAN 01 TEL: (225) 20-33-15-36. The name of the director of International Remittance in charge of the transferring money to foreign account is MR PICHO J.C. His direct number is (225) 05-73-13-07.Email firstname.lastname@example.org.
Uncle please,try and contact then and know the particular account they will need.
We will be waiting to hear from you soonest.
Thanks and reman bless.
Paul and Stella.
I'm sorry I wasn't more clear in my last e-mail. I had been watching the football game with my poker buddies and I drank three six-packs by myself. What I was trying to say was that we have a bank account with a lot of money in it (the wells fargo account). One day, we are going to take this money and by some land. We are going to have sheep on the land. Hopefully, these sheep will have soft skin and will be easy to grab from behind.
Thank you for wishing that my wife and I can have a child. We were talking about it and had a great idea. When you and Stella get here and come live with us, we thought that you could help us have a child. In particular, we would like it if you would impregnate my wife yourself. I realize the child will be half-African, but he will live to carry on the Melish legacy. Plus he will probably be good at basketball.
Charlene is going to call the bank tomorrow morning. We can't wait to complete this transaction. We are very excited, but want to get to know the two of you better. Here are some questions for the both of you:
What is your favorite food for breakfast?
what is your favorite football team?
how many nipples does your sister have?
when do you like to wake up in the morning?
do you have any genital sores?
what is your favorite color?
do you like rainbows?
do you like kittens?
have you ever punched a donkey?
we are very excited to hear your answers to our questions. Soon you will be living here in America with us and we will be rich.
We have attached a picture of ourselves as you requested. We hope you are able to print it out and hang it in your hut!
Dearest Uncle Fielding Melish,
Compliment of the day and also how is your wife,hope all is well with her?
Uncle,We don't understand all this things is all about,it sincen like you are joking with us,We advise you to be serious in this transfer as we are expecting you to trit us like our partent and you go ahead keep on telling us the words we can't understand.
Are you the person we saw in the photo and are you also the person that use to writing this mail to us,We couldn't believe it,Please you batter be serious with us as we need to achive a very good living with this money our partent lift for us.Did Mumy Charlene wife called the bank today as you said in your mail to us?
We expect to hear your respond from bank.
Thanks and God bless you and your family.
Paul and Stella.
Dear Paul and Stella,
Please know that we are not joking. We want very much to have a family and thought that maybe you can help us with that. It is the only way. We are helping you, so we thought you could help us. it is so hard and lonely for us to not have children.
We are very serious about helping you and my wife Charlene has already called the bank. There was no answer though, I think because of the time difference. We will stay up late tonight and try again when it is business hours in your homeland. We are eager to help in any way we can.
My wife is crying because of your mail. She is hurt that you do not think we are serious. We want you to be a close part of our family and want to get to know you better. Please tell us more about yourselves. Tell us about things you like and things you don't like. We will soon be good friends and a loving family.
Please also let us know how soon after we transfer the money will you be able to come to America and live with us.
Thank You and God Bless,
Dearest Uncle Fielding Melish,
Thanks for your mail and it is now we know that your not joking with this transaction.
We love to be part of your family as long as God wishes,We believe that almight God know why he is bering us together as one family,We know that is the way almight God want's to consoul us by provieding a family like your family to us as we have no partent any more.
You told us that mumy is crying because of our last mail,we never mean to hut her for anything it is base on what you asked about my sister that was the reason why we wrote a mail like that to you.Please and please again kindly tell her to forget and forgive us about the last mail we wrote to you.
Uucle,Mumy can call the bank as you said or send the an e-mail to then,Here is the e-mail address once more email@example.com she can call the director on his direct office line.+22505731307.
Uncle on your mail to us you made mention on how soon could we beable to come to live with you there in american,All depend's on you as we have introduce your name to the bank as the rightfully beneficiary of the money and lift for you to hesting up the bank for immediate transfer of the money into your account and as soon as the money get's transferred into your account,You will sending some money from there,The sum of Tewnty thousand dollars to enable to perpar our traveling document's to meet you there in your country home.
Base on your reqest on what we love mostly we love going to school and learning of what we don't know also we love listing to news and my sister love reading novel's and also love suweiming and i love playing football and my sister love handball and i like eating rice and she also love lieking ice cream and hand bugger and of those we cann't tell you now untill we will get to see you and your wife face to face,Moreover we don't like trouble.
We will be waiting to hear from you as soon as she finsh her discussion with the bank.
Once again kindly extend our greetings to mumy and tell her with God all things are possible,As we believe in God
Thanks and remain bless your faithfully,
Paul and Stella.
Dear Paul and Stella,
Oh lordy lordy god bless us all! My wife Charlene feels better now that you have told her to stop crying. She is very excited to meet you. She wants me to remind you that we still want to have children, with your help as I wrote before. She knows it sounds strange, but she thinks Paul looks so handsome in the picture you sent. We think that helping us as we asked would be the christian thing to do. Would you be willing to father a child for us? It would be a wonderful addition to our new family.
We have very exciting news! We called the bank and gave them our banking details. They processed them in a few hours, and this morning we saw that the money was transferred to our account! It's all there, $21 million. Charlene is out at the mall right now buying herself some new clothing. I know most of the money is yours, but we wanted to treat ourselves with some of our 15 percent. Later I am going over to the mall to buy myself a big leather recliner and some thong underwear.
Now that we have the money, we want to send you the twenty thousand dollars you need to come over here. What address should we send the money to? We are so excited. Soon we will be together!
After that, they never wrote back.